I am wrong. I have been wrong all week. I wanted to say that right from the beginning.
When I am writing this blog I honestly picture 2 people–my sister and a nameless youth pastor guy who is also struggling with the things that I am struggling with. The third person I picture only happens when I start getting lots of unnamed comments and that is crazy hater guy. That is honestly all I think about when I am writing this.
When I started with this whole rant my thought wasn’t to comment on the show choir thing to the people of Eufaula. I honestly chose not to write a letter to the paper because I believe that such a pubic forum was uncalled for. I never imagined that people who actually live in Eufaula would actually read this aside from a few random church people.
When people started commenting back I still didn’t clue in to what was really going on. I simply wanted to prove my point. I have spent days trying to figure how people couldn’t see things the way that I see them.
What I didn’t realize until one my my students very courageously wrote me an email to speak the truth to me was that there were many people who were reading this, most of which who weren’t involved in my life or the process that this blog goes through, and many of those were students.
There is a level of transparency that I keep in this blog space because I think that it helps other youth pastors to know that they aren’t alone when they feel them. This is never meant for students. I think students are the greatest thing in the world and I give my life everyday for them. I have honestly spent the last few days arguing this because it hurt me that someone thought I was close minded.
Now right now I am in the delivery room waiting for my son to be born and my first thought is of how much I have screwed up this week when it comes to this space. I have tried to be witty and smart and have instead proved that I am just a jerk. How I can let students know that I love them is my life. All of my time is focused in on that. This week I got too excited about being right and trying to prove it and I forgot that one simple truth. That love doesn’t care who is right.
For all of you who are at Eufuala High I want you to know that I care very deeply about you. I spend time with you and come to see you every week because you guys make me smile. You guys make my life work. There is nothing that I would rather do than get a chance to tell you how much God cares about you, and how special you are to him, and as a result to me.
Here is what I ask. Please forgive me for being a jerk this week. There is really nothing that I can say that would ever explain or make an excuse for my actions. Please understand that I was wrong. For those of you that I have hurt I hope that you will accept this apology. In my rash need to prove my point I forgot that as Christians we aren’t supposed to win arguments we are supposed to love people. I didn’t do a very good job of that this week. I would ask forgiveness from all of you. I hope that my effort to show you that I love you over the past year won’t be negated by one stupid week.