Am I good enough

I don’t know why right now, but this question of am I good enough–am I doing a good job has been waiting right underneath my conscious thought waiting for something to poke it so it can jump out and attack me again with doubt and fear and insecurity. Recently it seems like lots of things have come that have made me wonder if I am even still cut out for this job anymore.

Part of the problem is that I feel like I have to justify myself at work much more than I ever have before. I feel like each action I take is one more way that I am saying, "Look I actually am working and doing something important" But in doing that my focus is coming off of what God wants me to do and becoming more about what I think certain people want to see me do.

Then of course when I start to feel like I am not doing a good job instead of working harder I would rather just run away and hide and working becomes a chore.

I guess this is just one more phase of my cyclical life, but I will be happy when this one is over. I can’t believe that after all of these years I still can’t separate my own feelings of self-worth from my job performance.  

Why is this poem still true about me?  

4 thoughts on “Am I good enough

  • February 29, 2008 at 3:36 PM

    This morning when I heard Nathan stirring I went to his room to get him out of his bed. When I walked over to him he reached his arms up high and jumped into my arms saying "Mama". Still sleepy he wrapped his arms and legs around me and laid his head on my shoulder and let me stand there holding him and rocking him for several minutes whispering I love you to him. It was such a precious time to me. God loves you just the same.

  • February 29, 2008 at 3:47 PM

    OK, now I am crying!
    Number 1. Shane your poetry I amazing. I’ve told you that a million times, but it’s still true. It speaks to me and I mean that.
    Number 2. You have such a creative mind, what a gift from God!
    Number 3. Meredith, that was the sweetest thing ever! What a precious thing to share.
    Number 4. You guys are NEVER friendless!

  • February 29, 2008 at 5:44 PM

    Thank you guys

  • March 1, 2008 at 3:19 AM

    Shane – you are not alone asking "am I good enough" I think it’s only human nature to ask this. You are good enough, we all are.

    I read through some of your poetry tonight – they are amazing, thought provoking, real, true, purposeful, powerful, and they make you think. The good in you reaches out to other people in a real way. Thank you.


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