This is a skit version of a very old joke. It is designed to be played by people who haven’t had much (or even any) time to practice. Make a copy of the script for each character and encourage them to really ham the thing up. Be sensitive when selecting the part of the “COW” and do not pick someone who will be upset at playing a cow. Also make sure that the person you pick to be the Farmer is willing to ham it up a bit.
Setting: The roof of a farm house in the middle of a flood. This is indicated by a couple of folding chairs.
Characters: Farmer, Friend, Cow, Boatman, Helicopter Pilot, Helicopter Sounds Guy, God
Farmer: (Sitting in the chair) O NO! The river has flooded and now I am trapped here on my roof. How am I ever going to survive? (PAUSE) Of course! I will pray! “Dear Lord, you know that I am a good man and also that I never learned how to swim so I need you to come and save me from this flood. Amen” (PAUSE) Wow, I feel really good. I think God is going to answer my prayer.
Friend enters riding on COW.
Friend: Hey! It is too deep to walk out of this stuff, but I am going to ride Bessie here to high ground you wanna come?
Farmer: No, I don’t think so. I prayed and I believe that God will save me.
Friend: You did what?
Farmer: I prayed and I believe that God will save me. Besides I don’t really like cows, especially your cows they are smelly.
Cow: (Standing up and throwing the friend off) Wha’ chew talkin’ about! (realizes that she is a cow so gets back into character.) Sorry, Moooooo
Friend: Well, suit yourself. I am going to get out of here. Come on Bessie
Farmer: (Pulls his legs up in the chair) Wow, the water is getting high now. I hope God saves me soon.
Boatman enters rowing an imaginary boat.
Boatman: Hey mister! We gotta get you out of here, this whole place is about to be under water.
Farmer: No need, I prayed and so I am waiting for God to save me.
Boatman: Well I hope you know how to swim
Farmer: Not at all, but God will save me.
Boatman: You are the reason warning labels were invented aren’t you?
Boatman: (as if he is reading a label) Caution Hot Chocolate is served HOT.
Boatman: Never mind. Are you coming or not?
Farmer: No. I told you God is going to save me.
Boatman: Suit yourself, do us all a favor and make sure you keep your license on you so we can identify you later. (boatman leaves)
Farmer: (Stands up in the chairs) Wow, the water is coming up on the roof now. I hope God gets here soon.
Pilot enters. Sound guy enters and makes helicopter noises throughout this whole exchange.
Pilot: (shouting over the noise) HEY! You are lucky I found you. I was heading back the other way when I got this strange feeling to come and check over here. I thought everyone had been evacuated by boat already.
Farmer: The boat came by, but I sent it was. I prayed and God is going to save me.
Farmer: God is going to save me.
Pilot: That sounds like a good story, why don’t you climb up here and we can talk about it.
Farmer: Nope, I am going to stay right here until God saves me.
Pilot: Suit yourself I have people who want to be saved that I can help.
Pilot and Sound Guy leave.
Farmer: O NO! The water is at my feet! It is at my knees! It is at my waist! It is at my neck! It is at…glub, glub. (Farmer should “die” comically)
Remove chairs from stage
Farmer: (looking around amazed.) Is this heaven? Cool. This place is nice. Sort of Gladiator meets Trading Spaces meets Wizard of Oz. (PAUSE) Wait, if this is heaven then that means that God didn’t save me. GOD! HEY GOD! Where are you.
God: Can I help you.
Farmer: (yells at God) Hey! I have a question for you!
God: Sure, but I am the creator of the universe I can hear you, you don’t have to shout.
Farmer: Of course, sorry, but what happened God. I prayed and I thought for sure you were going to save me.
God: Well I sent you a Cow, a Boat and a Helicopter, what more do you want. Just because I didn’t send you a “miracle” didn’t mean that I wasn’t responding to your prayer.
Farmer: But God, that Cow was so stinky.
God: Yep, just goes to show that I can use anything, even a stinky old cow.
Cow: (Runs in from off stage) WHO ARE YOU CALLING STINKY!
Farmer: O great here we go again!