Father’s Day Was Hard This Year

Most years I am able to sort of push through today like any other work day, get my job done and go home to nap and chill. But today, with this being my first Father’s day as a father people went out of their way to come and talk to me about it. Today was also the day that we did Parent/Child dedication which was cool because the only two babies were Nathan and our pastors son so it was a good visual with his family on stage and my family on stage and our minister of music leading us through the dedication.

But I had a hard day. I would like to hear from other fathers who are without their own fathers and see if I am the only one who feels this way, but I am terrified that I am not going to be able to be around while Nathan grow up. I am scared that something will happen and he will be left wondering all of the things that I wonder even now nearly 17 years later. I am having a hard time just enjoying him being a baby because there is so much I want him to know, and I am afraid that I won’t get a chance to tell him.

Every small thing is crucial because I am not sure that I will always be able to be a part of his life so I want to make sure that my influence, the influence of a man, the influence of a father is strong in his life.

As I was trying to decide whether to write this or not I began thinking about how for years now I have been involved in the lives of students and I don’t know if I have ever been this worried about whether or not I will get to tell them all that they need to hear. But my time with them is just as fleeting, my message to them just as important. Maybe if I think of those boys that seem to always be underneath my feet in light of that I will be able to treat them as Jesus would treat them. Maybe.

But even still, Father’s Day was hard this year.  

2 thoughts on “Father’s Day Was Hard This Year

  • June 19, 2006 at 2:15 PM


    Not everyone here may know your past family history, but as someone who does, I truly sympathize with you. I can’t imagine going through what you and Sumer have gone through.

    However, with that said, let me offer something:

    Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
    You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

    I know it’s cliche to offer scripture verses to those that are in mourning, and it’s something I generally don’t like to do. However, I really feel that if you didn’t have the background that you have in terms of losing your parents, I don’t think you’d be doing the great work with youth that you are currently engaged in. I don’t think you’d have the heart that you do for them, I don’t think you’d have the desire to teach and mentor them, and I think that even if you had still gone into the minsitry, you’d have been burnt out on it long before now.

    Keep up the good work, and may God bless it.

  • June 20, 2006 at 2:10 AM

    I can definetaly relate. I do still have my father, but I lost a a good friend just before my daughter was born. His heart just stopped, no accident, no lethal disease. He was only 26 and in great health. It was a huge eye opener. The reality is any of us can go at any time. The thought of leaving my daughter behind scares me tremendously. Several times I have thought about making some videos for her to watch if God forbid something did happen to me. I still haven’t gotten around to it though.

    As she has gotten older it is easier. I know without a doubt she couldn’t forget me. I know that every second I have with her is a blessing from God and am so thankful for every second.

    Having a child open’s your eyes to the huge responsibility your life on earth is. It can be a very overwhelming feeling. You have been given this beautiful life, to care for in this world. The incredible need to teach and influence the life of your child will always be there, and needs to be.


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