Most years I am able to sort of push through today like any other work day, get my job done and go home to nap and chill. But today, with this being my first Father’s day as a father people went out of their way to come and talk to me about it. Today was also the day that we did Parent/Child dedication which was cool because the only two babies were Nathan and our pastors son so it was a good visual with his family on stage and my family on stage and our minister of music leading us through the dedication.
But I had a hard day. I would like to hear from other fathers who are without their own fathers and see if I am the only one who feels this way, but I am terrified that I am not going to be able to be around while Nathan grow up. I am scared that something will happen and he will be left wondering all of the things that I wonder even now nearly 17 years later. I am having a hard time just enjoying him being a baby because there is so much I want him to know, and I am afraid that I won’t get a chance to tell him.
Every small thing is crucial because I am not sure that I will always be able to be a part of his life so I want to make sure that my influence, the influence of a man, the influence of a father is strong in his life.
As I was trying to decide whether to write this or not I began thinking about how for years now I have been involved in the lives of students and I don’t know if I have ever been this worried about whether or not I will get to tell them all that they need to hear. But my time with them is just as fleeting, my message to them just as important. Maybe if I think of those boys that seem to always be underneath my feet in light of that I will be able to treat them as Jesus would treat them. Maybe.
But even still, Father’s Day was hard this year.