Today was one of those “real” rainy days that happen so rarely in the deep summer here in the deep south. I say it is a real rainy day because we have a myriad of days of rain, but most times the rain is late afternoon rain. Most times it is the rain that comes when the air gets so think with water that it just can’t hold it anymore and for a moment it pours down in sheets and then just as quickly the rain is gone and the steam backing up off of the concrete makes everything smell clean, but feel just awful, and the sweat just stands on your body because the air is already too saturated to take anymore liquid and you just stand there in the steam feeling muggy and hot. That is most days, but today, today was a real rainy day. It was a day when the clouds stayed around like old friends at a reunion and the rain came not in sheets, but in small stops and starts and the air wasn’t cool because it is never cool in June in lower Alabama, but it wasn’t oppressively hot and if you could find a place to sit outside out of the rain it was actually pleasant. That was today and I drank deeply of it.
In case you can’t tell I am currently involved in 3 different fiction books so my thoughts are full of description and metaphor. I just walked in from setting up chairs at the church and I didn’t think I was going to be able to get the computer up and running fast enough to get that thought out. Even as it is I didn’t get it the way it was when I first had the thought. My editor brain messed with it too much in the 3 minutes it took for windows to remember how to work again and it became forced and somewhat flat.
The more times I am chastised for messing up, or criticized for following a different road the more I think my editor mind comes in and takes control. I find myself editing myself in my daily life. In my church life I am afraid of the criticisms of others and I have stopped taking as many risks. And that is making my life feel very flat.