I spent much of yesterday and today cleaning my house. When I was cleaning I found a scrap sheet of paper with the following poem on it. I don’t really remember when it was written, but I think it was at one of our Friday Nigh Connections. It isn’t that great, but I find myself feeling similar things often these days.
I can’t find you
see you, hear you
I can’t feel that small voice that everyone talks about
I can’t close my eyes and feel you near me
and I can’t understand why.
Am I doing something wrong?
sinning? Not doing that one thing? Missing that one piece of the formula?
Do I need more candles, more art, more focus?
I can’t find you God!
And I can’t fake it anymore.
Is there more to this than what I am searching for?
Is there more than just hairs on the back of my neck
and that feeling of peace on the inside?
Is there more than more than just emotion?
Is it something about a journey?
something about a relationship?
is it an adventure?
or is it just life?
Whatever it is. It has to be more than this.
More than this half-life, sham of a life that I am living
It has to be more than the life I am faking!
It has to be something real!
Or are we all just playing a part.
Is this all there is, or is there something more?