I use this blog as a place to put what I honestly am going through and hope this helps other people. I do find myself editing what I am saying because of audience, but more than that I try to color things so that I don’t sound like a total freak. But this entry is going to let you a little deeper into my mind in the hope that I am not alone and that you can take comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone either.
I have a sermon that is based off the essay that I read to Nathan every night. One of the points of the sermon is that "God has chosen you-so don’t be ruled by the opinions of others." Well, it never fails that before I preach that I always have to struggle with my deep need for approval by others. I am in fact a slave to the approval of others. When you add that to my deep need to shake things up and make people think I can have a pretty messed up time some times.
But this week when I was getting ready to preach that sermon it happened again. This time right here on this blog. I have to admit that I was thrown by Derrik Webb’s comment. I suddenly was afraid that he thought I was trying to cheat him or that I was trying to mess up his ministry. If you read the comment it really isn’t all that bad, but I thought about it for several hours including laying in bed thinking about it.
Then it finally hit me. What was I doing worrying about the opinion of someone I didn’t even know. Whether my entry was a mistake or not, I shouldn’t be dwelling over one random comment. But that is who I am. I obsess over the opinions of others. I am a junkie for your approval.
But here is my word of hope for all of the other approval junkies out there. God has chosen you. God has picked you. God loves you, and no matter what anyone else thinks about you, when God thinks about you, he smiles.
I tend to forget that from time to time. I think it is the one lesson that I have to be reminded of the most, but God is faithful to keep reminding me. God is faithful to keep showing me that He likes me. And that gives me the courage and the strength to keep doing things that are outside of the box and outside of the safe little Christian way of thinking. So take heart–God love you! Now go out there and change the world!