Is it the Word Marriage?

I have been following the whole “gay marriage” thing for a while now and like I have said before I can’t figure out why Christians are so vocal against it. I mean I guess they feel like they need to be against everything that is homosexual, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why this is such a problem for the church. I am guessing there is a slippery slope argument somewhere that has something to do with children and adoption (the best way to win your argument is to bring children into it). But when it just comes to 2 people who are in love and who want to have the government sanctioned relationship that we call marriage I can’t see why we should have a problem with it. It is a civil matter, not a religious one.

Whether or not two people get married in a civil ceremony does not change whether or not your church will choose to marry two people of the same sex. I am guessing that the problem is calling it marriage instead of calling it a civil union, but come on we all know that is just semantics.

Now I wasn’t alive, or at least wasn’t paying attention, when “no fault” divorces became the norm. Did the church have a big problem with that too? I would rather see the church spend its energy trying to keep families together than working so hard to try to keep people apart. Just because I don’t agree with their lifestyle doesn’t mean I have to make laws to make it hard on them. To me that turns more people away from God than it turns them towards Him.

But like I said, I am willing to believe that I am missing something here. I can’t figure out why as a Christian I should be against this, but if you would like to convince me I would be willing to listen to your arguments.

12 thoughts on “Is it the Word Marriage?

  • November 6, 2008 at 6:59 AM

    Awesome article. I think my parents nearly disowned me as we talked about this article. I think we’re going to have to come to terms with the idea that the USA isn’t a "Christian Nation." Our politics aren’t governed by the ideas found in scripture.

    And I’m totally fine with that, because I don’t want (and refuse to have) our faith to be dictated by the government.

  • November 6, 2008 at 2:08 PM

    For me, Ephesians 5 really is where I camp out about marriage in general. Paul reminds us that this husband and wife thing is an earthly visual of Christ and His Church. He tells us in verse 32 "This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church."

    My marriage to Jay is not about my being fulfilled, loved, appreciated, less lonely, happy, or satisfied. It is at its very core a profound mystery that reflects Christ and the Church. When I really began to grasp that the daily in and out of my marriage was a picture of Christ and His love of us, His church, I began to see it as a beautiful witness.

    It shows what I truly believe about Christ every day. It shows whether I really believe that Christ satisfies my soul, if I trust Him to love me when I feel unloved by Jay, if I will stand on the Truth of His Word when I want to be angry, selfish, irritable, hateful, and unforgiving. It is the litmus each day if I really believe the Words of Christ or not. It is a refelction of my relationship with Christ to my children, my friends, family, church, and especially to the world who is lost. At the core my marriage is not about me..but about Christ…what a mystery!

    So, because this is what God’s Word tells me that marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church that is the standard…for me and for the world. So, personally it is not about semantics…it is about the standard I have to hold my own marriage to every day. I have to constantly ask if this marriage reflects Christ and His Church today. I do not believe that a marriage between same sex people can reflect that Truth, because that passage talks directly to husbands and wives.

    Was homosexuality around in Jesus’ day? OH YES! Was it rampant even in the days of Sodom? OH YES! This is not a new thing. America is not treading new territory in that department. Yet, God’s Word shares the standard in this passage clearly…and I struggle each day to focus on the goal of reflecting what I believe about Christ in my marriage. But, I don’t question the standard.

    All I can do is be a good steward of my votes and trust God above all else in this life. But, it is my responsibility to hold my life up to God’s standard and to live that as a reflection each and every day to a lost world, my sweet children, and those that God has given me influence.

    Rejoicing in Christ!

  • November 6, 2008 at 3:01 PM

    I see that. I see the Christian definition of marriage and how it is supposed to be a part of how God shows us about our relationship with him. But marriage by the state at a courthouse that can be dissolved with a signature isn’t that sort of marriage. It is a civil agreement.

    And I guess when it comes down to it for me it is more of a idea of picking your battles. Is it more important to make sure that homosexuals can’t get married or to tell them about Jesus? Of course it is the latter. The problem is that for many the only voices that they hear from Christians aren’t about God’s love, it is about God’s condemnation. I think that morality always works much better on a one on one basis.

    I am all for California’s choice to define what their state will say about marriage. I like the state’s right to choose their own laws. My problem is that when Christians are out in front of it they make it even harder for those of us who are trying to reach out into the communities they are condemning.

  • November 6, 2008 at 5:27 PM

    I have recently been to a "gay wedding" as a bridesmaid. I have to say it was one of the nicest weddings I have been too. There was a lovely atmosphere all day, an atmosphere of acceptance for everyone, whoever they were.

    The couple were both Christians and wanted to express their faith and wanted it to be a part of the day. They chose to invite the congregation of family and friends to take communion as part of their blessing. It was an open invitation where those who wanted to came forward and those who didn’t want to stayed in their seats.

    Another Christian friend said to me she had been discussing the "wedding" in her home group and they had asked if she had a problem with taking communion at a "gay wedding" to which her reply was "no, should I have?" She was just wondering why they thought there should be a problem when actually the act of communion is a special thing beween the individuals and God and Jesus and not to do with what other people think about us partaking.

    My main thoughts on "gay weddings and the church" is that as Christians we should accept people for who they are. We certainly shouldn’t be excluding people from our churches because they have different feelings than us. I am sure that Jesus wouldn’t if he was in our churches.

  • November 6, 2008 at 7:00 PM

    I agree that gay marriage as defined by the government is not the same as gay marriage in the church. I have written several times about my annoyance with the Christian community’s obsession with gay marriage. I do not believe that gay marriage is okay, I feel the Bible is very clear in what constitutes marriage. But, I do not think we should be trying to get the government to disallow gay marriage because that in no way affects gay relationships. I get so annoyed with people who seem to believe that if the government doesn’t allow the union of a gay couple to hold the same civic value as the union between a man and woman that it will make homosexuality disappear as well. If I were one of the people making the decision I was choose to allow gay marriages the same priveleges and responsibilities of heterosexual relationships. Thanks for this post. I just wish more people in the church would really look at what they are fighting against.

  • November 7, 2008 at 4:50 AM

    Many of the commenters on this post are putting way too many restrictions on marriage, and I find that intolerant. Why stop at a gay man and a gay man? Why not a gay man, a gay man, and a bisexual man? Why do we have to limit to two people? Why not three people? Or four? Also, why limit it to non-related people? That is prejudiced to those that are related by blood. We should also allow civil unions between mother and daughter, father and daughter, and mother and son, and father and son. Or, mother, father, and son. They could all be married to each other, and thus enjoy the financial, emotional, governmental, and visitation rights that they are entitled to. That’s a little restrictive too, though. Why not allow brother and sister to be married? As long as one is sterile, what can it hurt? Even if neither are sterile, and they want to have a child, who are we to stop them?

    Look, it all boils to how you view God’s laws. Are they there to restrict us for no other reason than He wants us to do things HIs way, or did he give us rules to live by for our own good? Are they arbitrary and irrelevant, or are they given to us a loving direction from a Supreme Being that knows the best for us, better than we know ourselves? Does He hate us and therefore gives us a list of do’s and don’ts to enslave us, or does He love us enough to give us guidelines for living our lives to the fullest?

    I know it’s easy to decide that ‘if it’s not harming me, then why should I care.’ And I know that preventing gay marriages will not prevent gay people from being couples. I understand that. But that’s a slippery slope. Should we also legalize prostitution? I mean, who is it hurting? Should we legalize the sale of body parts in the open market? Who could that possibly hurt? If I want to see a kidney to someone that needs it, shouldn’t I have the right to do that, and shouldn’t they have the right to bid on it? I’m not saying that I completely understand all of the social ramifications of the legalization of gay marriage, I don’t think anyone does. But I do believe in a God that says it’s not the best way to live, and it’s not the norm for the social order that He established, and that’s good enough for me.

    Two Pennies,

  • November 7, 2008 at 6:47 AM

    I actually like the argument that God knows best and following God’s laws is ultimately helpful for you and not harmful for you. But the problem with that is that most Christians aren’t saying there shouldn’t be gay marriage because it is ultimately detrimental to the homosexual couple. They are saying: "God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve". It is something to preach against, something to fight against, not something to try to understand and actually help.

  • November 8, 2008 at 12:06 AM

    it is the word marriage. it simply makes my skin crawl to think of all the other people we marry in our churches: atheists, convicts, adulterers, theives, slanderers, and all sorts of technically "evil" people. People who, in many cases, will never step back into a church again because they simply do not believe but marry in a church for aesthetic or family reasons. But they satisfy this simple request: they are man and woman. But two people with a more "open" sin, homosexuality, cannot. Because of gender.

    does that not scream hypocritical to anyone else?

    if christians are so up in arms about this, we should have "christian marriage" and "secular marriage" be different things. If a church marries people regardless of faith, then they should marry people regardless of gender.

    Because God is Love. and if two people really love each other, then God is there. So quit telling God where he’s allowed to be.

  • November 8, 2008 at 12:09 AM

    hm, i didn’t exactly finish my first sentance up there. it sounds pretty angry.

    It’s not the people we allow to be married that make my skin crawl (which is how it sounds) but it makes my skin crawl that we will marry all these other people, but not gays. So its not the people. it’s the logic.

  • November 8, 2008 at 7:23 PM

    Please stop asking man and start searching as the answer has been provided by God in the Bible. Pehaps you just may not have wanted to acknowledge it or didn’t know how to find it but it is there. Why should you not be homosexual or marry your partner within the walls of a Church? To begin with, you should not be homosexual. Seek the answer in Romans 1:25-1:32. Homosexuality in itself is not natural to our very creation. We have "parts" for reproduction. Once our eyes were opened to sin, we found pleasure in the act of reproduction within the confines or marriage. Many chose to "fornicate" or "lust" therefore God said rather then burn with lust, it is best to marry. He did not say, rather then lust for your kind, marry them. ".Romans 1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working tht which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet." Homosexuality was NEVER an intended emotion or act to be attributed to the "love" in God’s creation and just the act of tolerating it is a sin. A Church has a purpose and an obligation to GOD to share his Gospel. How could they then allow, take part in or embrace something that goes against God’s very word that they teach? Does the Church know people are atheists, slanderers, adulterers or thieves before they marry them? More then likely, no. It is OBVIOUS in performing a marriage of man & man or woman & woman that the Church would become accessory to turning their back on God’s word. What kind of Church could do that???? Please do some research and be not misled by the ways of the world. I will be praying that you seek guidance through God’s word and with an open mind unclouded by the desire for what you wish to comprehend it to say, that you will find your answer through prayer & trust in God’s word. I also pray that once you find the answer, no matter how disappinting to what you had hoped, that you will trust and obey the Lord.

  • November 9, 2008 at 3:02 AM

    I know it wasn’t directed at me, but there is nothing that frustrates me more than someone who pulls the "I will be praying for you to see it God’s way" line on me.

    With that said, I think most of the people who have commented here (myself included) feel that homosexuality is wrong. My point from the beginning wasn’t about homosexuality in the church, but rather why we were fighting against it in sexual circles. The question is are we doing more harm than good.

    I also think that in most churches there are tons of people who are married who don’t really have an relationship with God. The granddaughter of sister so and so and her boyfriend may never come to church, but here family does so most churches would go ahead and do the wedding. I think kk was pointing out the hypocrisy of it.

    Now just because we have other sins doesn’t mean that we should just go ahead and do all of the sins. I still think that churches should take a stand against homosexuality, and point out to people it isn’t God’s plan for their lives. But I also think that when we stand up and fight against gay marriage in a civil arena we are turning more people away from the truth than turning them towards it.

    (I also take exception with the idea that sex in marriage is just God’s way of trying to control our lust. Sex has a whole spiritual component beyond reproduction and lust appeasement, but that is a whole other post)

    • August 15, 2011 at 12:37 AM

      Just now, 3 years later noticed that I said “sexual” circles instead of secular circles. Wow, talk about your Freudian slip.


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