I like to be a leader, actually I love to be a leader, but sometimes I just want to follow someone with vision. Being the person who is always pushing forward gets old after a while. I want to follow someone for a while. But the problem is that I am such a control freak and such a “I think I can do it better” type person that I need to follow someone who can lead with confidence and conviction. Apparently those people are impossible to find.
I guess I am going to have to just grow up and realize that I am more than just a youth pastor. I guess I am going to have to accept the fact that if I want to move forward then I had better start moving forward.
The problem is that I am in charge of so many different small things and I want to move forward on all of them. But I have so little time in my day. I know that I should learn to delegate and pass things off to other people, but getting that started takes more effort than I am giving now. I know it would make my life better next month, but it would kill me this month.
When you add to all of that this deep desire to spend every moment with Nathan and Meredith and I end up pretty stressed right now.
The funny thing is that none of my stress is coming from the youth side of things. If my only responsibility was youth minister then I would be feeling good. But I can’t ever seem to do what I want to do as a youth minister because every time I try one of the myriad of other things steps in and gets in the way.
I think I just need a vacation, but the type of vacation I want isn’t one where I go to the beach or get involved in more activities. I need a vacation from work for a while so that I can actually get some work done. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but it sure sounds like a vacation to me.