Lord, Undo Me

[ worship,poetry,lifestyle and spiritual adventure ] – matt’s journal – Lord, save me.

Lord, save me from myself, my own self-absorbed thoughts, from my personal aspiration, from my personal hounds in the distance, from my need to please, from my quiet dissatisfaction, from my ever-intense loneliness, my primal fears of destruction, from my self-defeating actions, my darkness and my false diatribes, my lateral glances to idols, my past failures, regret, and self-guessing moments, my postmortems and predictable collapses. save me from all that is only me and never you.

The Above Quote came from Matt Tullos’ weblog. It speaks so true to my heart. I find myself crying out for God to save me from me, to undo me and let me stand, even if it is painful, before him. Below is the poem that I used tonight in worship. I think it has a similar theme

Lord Undo Me

   I don’t really worship these day
   I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs
   Or prayers or actions
   or with anything
   I am full of all the right moves
   I am full of all the right words
   I am full of all the right religion
   But it is all just illusion
   I am really
   Lonely
   Lost
   Calloused
   Jaded
   Cynical
   Too religious
   Too realistic
   and well really just to lazy
   to worship you anymore
   I have lost my first love
   I have lost the joy of your presence
   But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory
   
   Papa God I need to see you again
   Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory
   To fall down at your feet
   To come face to face with your
   Perfection,
   Radiance,
   Goodness,
   Holiness,
   Awesomeness

   I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
   and me for who I am
   I want to be undone
   
   I want to know me for who I really am
   I want to see the depths of my heart
   And know that you are the only way
   You are the only truth
   You are the only life
   I want to see me and understand
   What it really must have taken for you to
   Love me
   Care for me
   See me
   Speak to me
   Want me
   Communicate with me
   Die for me
   Die for me
   Die for me
   
   Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
   And my sin
   Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
   Lord let me come undone
   Undo my heart
   Lord, undo my heart
   break down these walls that I love so much
   No, wait don’t,
   I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this
   don’t
   But I can’t live this way anymore
   I can’t stand here in this half-life
   this going through the motions life
   this not really alive life
   Father, I need you so come and in and do what you must
   Cut out the tumor on my heart
   Break down the walls that I love
   Lord let me come undone
   Undo my heart
   let me worship you again

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