My Neuroses

Wednesdays are high stress days for me. Well, that isn’t exactly true; they are more like days that can cause high stress. After church I am normally pretty drained so it doesn’t take much to mess with my head.

Tonight we were hanging out in the coffee shop where we always go after church on Wednesday nights and I was talking to a girl at another table. Someone sitting near me actually called me down and asked me to be quiet. Well, that isn’t true he sort of stared at me like he knew what I was asking so when I asked him about it he said, “No, but I know volume.” It was a jerky thing to say, but I know that I can be loud and so he might have had a legitimate complaint.

But here is where the weird part of my head comes in. I am still thinking about this 3 hours later, and thinking about it in weird ways. 1) I am pissed that because of my job I couldn’t come back with something equally jerky and 2) (and this is the crazy one) I genuinely feel bad for being too loud. Yes, I feel bad for messing up this guys night.

My need to be liked goes that far.

One of these days I am actually going to live like what I know to be true, that God likes me and that is enough. Until then I guess I will just keep feeling bad for offending strangers.

5 thoughts on “My Neuroses

  • August 22, 2008 at 10:13 PM

    What about people you know?

  • August 22, 2008 at 11:28 PM

    Offending people I know makes me feel even worse. It eats at me for days. I try to hard to make things right or try my best to run away from the situation neither of which make me feel any better or make the situation any better.

    Trust me, I will say it again and again, I honestly try my best not to be offensive to others. There are two reasons for this 1) because I am messed up in the head and feel like I need to be sure that everyone likes me and 2) because I think that as a Christian I should present Christ in the best light that I can.

    The problem is that I am not perfect, in fact, I am more imperfect from your average person. I do what I can to try to follow what God is telling me to do. I try to use his strength to present him in the best light I can. I honestly attempt to reach out to the people around me and share the love of Christ with them. But I honestly think that I fail as many times as I succeed.

    That is what happens when you are just an Average Youth Minister. You hurt the people that you care about, you turn people away from God, and you do stuff that you know is stupid.

    It is my daily passionate prayer that those things are kept to a minimum and that God can use me even messed up like I am. Sometimes I like to believe that He does.

  • August 23, 2008 at 2:46 AM

    I had a horrible Wednesday too. Wednesday’s are the worst day of the week for me trying to get services ready in time! But, that’s my job. Hang in there! Lori

  • August 23, 2008 at 3:59 AM

    Might be better to talk to people than to run.

  • August 23, 2008 at 2:04 PM

    I have been thinking this weekend about the comments of "a person" and I think that they are correct. So I have been spending some serious time praying and asking God for two things: wisdom and courage. That has been the prayer of my heart this week and I am not sure about the wisdom part yet, but I do know that he has given me courage I didn’t know I had.

    Over the past 2 days I have tried to contact some people who I know have major problems with me, most of which are my fault. If "a person" is local and I have offended you in some way please send me an email of give me a call. I would like the chance to make things right if I can.


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