Wednesdays are high stress days for me. Well, that isn’t exactly true; they are more like days that can cause high stress. After church I am normally pretty drained so it doesn’t take much to mess with my head.
Tonight we were hanging out in the coffee shop where we always go after church on Wednesday nights and I was talking to a girl at another table. Someone sitting near me actually called me down and asked me to be quiet. Well, that isn’t true he sort of stared at me like he knew what I was asking so when I asked him about it he said, “No, but I know volume.” It was a jerky thing to say, but I know that I can be loud and so he might have had a legitimate complaint.
But here is where the weird part of my head comes in. I am still thinking about this 3 hours later, and thinking about it in weird ways. 1) I am pissed that because of my job I couldn’t come back with something equally jerky and 2) (and this is the crazy one) I genuinely feel bad for being too loud. Yes, I feel bad for messing up this guys night.
My need to be liked goes that far.
One of these days I am actually going to live like what I know to be true, that God likes me and that is enough. Until then I guess I will just keep feeling bad for offending strangers.