No, Daddy, don’t hurt me
Life with a broken 2-year old is interesting. The doctor says that his collar bone will heal quickly and since he is sans sling he looks like he always does (except for the hand he has resting on his belly). But when he moves the wrong way he hurts. You can see that hurt in his eyes and hear it when he cries.
The big thing yesterday was moving from standing to sitting or sitting to laying down (or back up). Whatever position he was in he didn’t want to move into another one. So getting in and out of the car seat hurts a bunch.
Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to go to the park. He was excited and moved to put his shoes on. But when we got out the door he immediately changed his mind and wanted to go play in the backyard. This is a problem because all of the stuff to do in the backyard (basketball, baseball, riding his car) are 2 hand activities. So I tried to convince him to go to the park, but he wouldn’t hear of it.
After I finally told him to go get in the van I figured out what was wrong. When I went to sit him in his seat he said, “No, Daddy, don’t hurt me.” He was avoiding the van because he didn’t want the pain.
Later, when we got to the park there were 2 Canada Geese an 3 little goslings. He was excited to see them, but when I said do you want to get out and try to feed them he said, “No, I wanna stay in the van.” Again, he didn’t want the pain.
I assured him that it would be ok, and even though it hurt it would hurt for just a moment, but he still was pretty upset with me for getting him out of the car. Once I did he loved throwing bread at the geese and actually feeding a couple of ducks.
Life as a broken person is hard. Following God, there are so many things that I see that I want to be a part of my life. There are things that I want to do, places I want to go, lives I want to impact. But to get there, since I am broken will take some pain. How many times do I choose to just stay where I am instead of dealing with the pain. “Daddy,” I pray, “Make my life useful to you, but don’t hurt me.”
The problem is that since I am broken following God will take some pain. There are some things that need to be cleaned out of my life. There are some prejudices and preconceived ideas that need to be changed. There is my natural inertia that needs to be overcome. So in order to experience what God has planned for me I have to walk through that pain sometimes.
Nathan will heal, and this pain will barely be a memory. My prayer is that I too will be willing to face the pain that leads me towards God’s best for my life and so that my temporary pain will just me a memory too.