I am hoping I am not the only person who does this. If so just forget you ever read this. But I have a tendency to make sure that I am early for any meeting that I am in charge of. This makes good sense as it lets me finish up and last minute stuff and also be there when people arrive.
What doesn’t make sense is the strong feelings of worry I still get before meetings. I’m not worried about what is going to happen, what I am going to say, or anything like that. I am worried about whether anyone is going to show up. And this worry just gets worse as I sit alone in the room for 30 minutes or so while I am waiting for time to start.
Never mind that it isn’t even close to time for people to be there yet. Never mind that I would probably be annoyed if people came that early because I would have to find something for them to do. For some reason I still find myself worrying.
Now I know that inside of this worry is a deep seated idea that all that I do is about me and not about God. There is this deep sense that if people don’t come then there is some flaw within me. I know that is true and yet from time to time I still find myself with everything finished and time to spare and nervous that no one will come.
So do you know what I do in times like that? ‘
I write blog posts.