Nathan has this book about a wombat who likes to curl up in a ball "so that no one can see me because I’m so small." At the end of most Sundays I feel this way. Being a minister is such a strange profession. Take today for instance. Over the course of today there were several things to be excited about, several things that frustrated me, several things that required my attention and a few things that just out and out made me sad.
These days I think Sundays are even more draining for me because of my role in the whole Sunday routine at our church. I am no longer up in front of the church. I sit in the back working the computer and taking care of little problems as they come up (like kids bleeding in the nursery). My mission on Sunday is to try my best to make things run as smoothly as possible for our pastor and music minister. I want them to be able to focus so I try to minimize distractions as much as I can. This means that on some Sundays things get a little crazy for me before church and on every Sunday I have one or two mini-emergencies that I have to deal with.
Add to that a group of youth that love me (and I love them) so they sort of hang out in this cloud around me and it is hard to get out and politic among the church members as a whole. So here I am a guy who is energized by being in front of people and who bases way too much of his self worth on performance working behind the scenes not getting any recognition except when I mess up. I think it is what I am supposed to be doing, and I think that I am learning a great deal, but at the end of the day I just feel so drained and sort of just "blah".
A couple of good things did happen today, though. I finally had people sign up for our girls shopping/skating trip (I was thinking that I was going alone) and the children started getting excited about their New Year’s Eve party (which I am very excited about as well) so things aren’t all blah.