I don’t know how else to start this entry than that. Today after vacation Bible school two of the kids were with us in the morning were in a car crash. The older brother who was in my class is hurt, but will be fine. His younger brother (and 8 year old little boy) however died in the crash.
I spent some time with the older brother today. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as a pastor, but when it was over I got to come home and hold my little boy close and tell him I love him and put him to bed. I can’t imagine the pain of this family who didn’t have that luxury tonight. I can’t imagine what they must be feeling. I feel so deeply for them, and I wish there were magic words that I could say to make everything better. All of the stuff that you know is true because you follow God just seems hollow to say.
My eyes were opened today to the frailty of this life that we hold. One moment these kids are learning about Peter and singing about being on the Boomerang Express and the next their family is talking about making arrangements and we are trying to figure out where God is in the middle of this. I thought all afternoon about the things that I didn’t say and didn’t do that I should have done today at Bible school and tonight after church when all of the youth were going to the Blue Moon to hang out I came home to put Nathan to bed simply because I could, and the fact that I could is something that I take for granted way too often.
Please pray for this family and pray for us tomorrow as we go back into VBS. We have to figure out what to say to the 50 other students who will be looking to us for how to respond. Pray that God will give us wisdom and strength.
First off, let me say that I am very thankful for my life. This week has shown me a new appreciation for my family, especially my little boy. With that said, this has been a very long week. Of course any week that includes Vacation Bible School is going to be a long week, but events this week of course have made it seem like it lasted a lifetime.
Today I felt like I just wanted to sleep all day, and my lovely wife did let me sleep a great deal, but I had to spend some time at the funeral. Funerals for 8 year olds are just unnatural. The words that you hear at other funerals sound hollow and perverted. You are left clinging to the truth that you know deep in your heart that God is good and holy and righteous, but you cling to them like a castaway clings to hopes of rescue. You cling to them even though everything in your mind screams at you to just give up.
It is these times when my heart turns to two pasages from the Bible. One is when Jesus tells his followers that they are going to have to eat his flesh and drink his blood and many of them turn away. He looks at the twelve and asks them if they will turn away too and Peter says, “to whom would we go, you alone have the words of eternal life.” I feel that way right now. I cling to God because there is no one else to cling too, and even though I don’t understand him I still cling to him because he alone has the words of eternal life. He alone is my hope.
The other passage is in Job, long after the friends of Job have given their speeches, when God shows up and begins to answer Job’s questions. It wasn’t the answer Job was looking for, but at the end of God’s reminder of His nature and His character Job was satisfied.
I am praying right now that I can be satisfied with the answers that I find. I am praying even more that this family can be learn to be satisfied as well.