This is a short excerpt from my prayer today.
God, I am tired. I am tired. I feel burned out and alone. I feel like I am just treading water and not making any real difference, and I really feel like I have lost my youth group and that I am doing more to turn off lost people to the gospel than I have to help them to find you. Lord! please I need you. Lord! please I need your help. Come to me once again. Meet with me in worship. Papa, I want a miracle like hundreds of people being here tonight, but I will take the miracle of your presence. Actually that is what I want more than anything else, the miracle of your presence. Lord, I need to know you are with me again. I have walked so far away that I am not even sure if you are close anymore. Lord! hear me! Help me! I need you.
I tend to forget sometimes that the fact that the God of the universe is willing to reveal himself to us and to meet with us in worship is a miracle. I am surrounded by the miracle of God’s presence every day and yet I miss it more than I stop to check it out.
Tonight…well, tonight wasn’t anything special…and yet it was miraculous. We were way down in numbers (a few more than 20 people) and I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been (I had to send a youth to the store to get the elements of my object lesson), but for some reason…no, because of the miraculous presence of God, for me it was worship. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me it felt like worship.
I can’t really explain the way that it feels to be speaking when it is worship or the way it feels to be speaking when it feels like God has left the building. I guess the first would be like talking to your spouse. It just feels right and good and safe. The second would be like talking to a lawyer. you are constantly worrying that you are going to say the wrong thing and desperately trying to make sure you don’t trip up. Tonight it was the first one and to me it felt like closing my eyes to sleep after a long hard day.
Tonight God gave me a miracle–the miracle of His presence–the miracle of worship.